Only a bunch of people knows that I have a mild dyslexia, my inability to really read a sentence let alone a book.
I am still surprised how I finish my 4 years of Engineering Degree (though I am not particularly good at it). So I am glad to know that I have passed my last paper in my uni...
However, a good reading will force me to read and read the same sentence until I can read it properly and to understand it. By understanding, it doesn't mean remembering the wording, but how to use the information given and modify it to fit my current frame-work. Sound complicated I know, but it is not really.
I have spend my last 2 hours (instead of sleeping, despite the lack of sleep from a bad night that my second boy wasn't that happy with those wind in his tummy last night) reading an inspiring words of a great photographer, Cheryl Jacobs Nicolai is her name and wow, her words serve as a wake up call. I have been doing things that she has mentioned but guess, I have not done enough.
I believe I have come across her blog before but never have a chance to read it properly.... excuse? maybe, but often so caught up with "things to do"...
Told myself that 2010 will be a different year.... I have been working really hard for last 2 years to build Tomato Photo and that leave me little time to "grow" as an artist. I have learned a lot in terms of business running but somehow that is what hinder my development.
Tomato Photo has been doing really well in terms of business (much better than what we anticipated) and getting to the direction I wanted, but I am not contemplating on it but I do have to admit that its time for me to leave it for a while and concentrating on the other side of it...
It is scary to grow a business in such a rapid pace without growing the same pace in my personal development as an artist...
Perhaps, I have forgotten how to shoot? I have become frustrated with my work from time to time... I know it is better than before, but I am frustrated that I don't take certain shots not getting that "special" image that I saw it during the shoot... it's not there sometime...
Sometime, I forget why I started Tomato Photo... but I do remember now... preserving memories... in the way we remember it... a true representation of the subject... beyond the pretty smile... I love the imperfection that life gives us...
It is sad that sometime, i do follow the flow, I love the grain/noise from high ISO of my camera, but lately, I have been deligently avoiding it and creating a clean and noiseless images which I thought, wow, it looks clean. But somehow, it is not me... although, I like it technically, but somehow, it loses that "look and feel" that I enjoy. I will go back and re-assess.
"Just a thought, Just a thought....."
(I do surprise that I am now having some time to "think")
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